ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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