I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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