i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
