By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will be naked everywhere
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
