I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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