got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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