just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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