i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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