Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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