hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My vagina is officially offended.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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