Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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