Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
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I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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