dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
