Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
