can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You can't motorboat a personality
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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