My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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