I cut my penus on the lid.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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