I looked at my own cervix.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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