i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize