Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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