Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
