Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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