So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
