A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
