At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
