Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
