i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
