hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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