why didn't you poke me back
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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