Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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