Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
