I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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