I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize