SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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