I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
