I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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