put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
they're like a gay fantastic four
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
