My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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