He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
