Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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