mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
