Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
