I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
