you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
