She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
