garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
