i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
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I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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