Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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