apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
