Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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