I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
