I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
