I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
