Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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