he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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