Swine flu is the new snow day.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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