thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
