she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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