i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
