FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
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The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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