My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
