so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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