My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize